It was a macabre scene: the train came to a slow halt, and the old lady picked up her bags and headed towards the door – equally slowly. With painstaking concentration, she shuffled towards the entryway, and finally inched to the exact middle of the automatic doors. Then the doors suddenly started closing, and ended up closing in on her head, while the rest of her body remained in the train! I shouted in terror, yet no one near me even batted an eyelid, or made any movements towards helping her. The able-bodied people nearest to the lady simply stared into the black hole of their phone screen. I jumped towards the doors and frantically pushed the button to re-open them. I looked around for the emergency brake as the train looked like it would start moving again. I prayed that the Lord Jesus Christ would help her, and the doors opened, setting her free. Like a bewildered bird released from a cage, she shuffled away to her next destination. No thank you or nothing. I looked around and no one around me had moved or even said anything. What alternate reality had I just entered?
Jesus says that in the last days, “…because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold,” (Matthew 24:12, KJV), which is echoed and explained by Paul in his second letter to Timothy, “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away,” (2nd Timothy 3:1-5, KJV).
As online relationships and self-focused social media platforms gain greater footholds in our lives, it becomes automatically harder to look away from the screen and into the eyes of those around us. The screen offers a comfort like no other- it reflects what we want it to reflect, a place that we developed to display the best parts of ourselves, while the rest is neatly hidden away in some broken relationship that we just decided to end. The screen also offers a unique escape when things around us get uncomfortable, or, we get uncomfortable with homeless people, old frenemies, new challenges at the workplace or at home. While technology and screen time offer a great tool for productivity, education, and equalizing employment opportunities for poverty-stricken regions in the world, the dopamine hit that comes with online affirmations have increasingly started to replace in-person interactions in the time spent outside working hours.
As with the man featured in Channel News Asia’s “Coded World,” Season 1 Episode 3 excerpt above, more people than we imagine have been pursuing love with artificially created beings such as anime characters, simply because interacting with other real human beings proved to be difficult.
Why then, is spending time with other people hard? When staring at screens or artificial beings, we can control the minutiae (when, who, what, why, how) of every online interaction and postpone, or even delete those that we find unsavory, a luxury that real relationships do not provide. Meanwhile, real relationships require us to die to ourselves and forgive as we repeatedly encounter difficult situations or people, which means we have to deal with people saying really stupid things that offend us, or us saying equally, if not more stupid things to defend ourselves.
As a follower of Jesus Christ, I am commanded to love God, and love my neighbor as myself (Luke 10:27), which means forgiving those who have hurt me, and trusting the Lord to heal me and direct the relationship (whether it be spending time with the person again, or taking time away when matters of safety arise). Doing so is incredibly difficult, because it involves me stepping away from my pride, and wanting to protect myself from the danger of a recurring offense that perceives forgiveness as a sign of weakness. Rather, Paul argues that forgiveness and loving your enemies is a sign of strength:
“Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good,” (Romans 12:15-21, KJV).
The decision to trust God to handle justice may seem to the world a weak and even naive response, but to us Christians our faith in God to handle a relational matter with an enemy is the very source of strength needed to not only forgive, but also love our enemies. Though it is tempting to focus on the coals of fire imagery when “forgiving” our enemies, true forgiveness starts with us addressing the offense directly with the person rather than spreading gossip or slander, and if a resolution is not reached, to take others with us and maybe even the church to address the issue (Matthew 18:15-19). In my own life, I have to admit it is easier to perform the instructed steps after a long time of prayer, and then when no resolution is reached, to let the Lord decide who is right and wrong, and consciously make a decision to ask God to give me the strength to move on. The hard part is choosing to love the people who offend us, but that is what Jesus says is characteristic of those who follow Him:
“Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect,” (Matthew 5:43-48, KJV).
So truly, one one decides to follow Jesus Christ as Lord, the option of running away from difficult people becomes one that takes us away from reflecting Christ:
“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another,” (John 13:34-35, KJV).
Rather than addressing the offense and choosing to forgive and even love people, we may be tempted to run to artificial love that seemingly offers safety and control, but is not able to help us deny our pride and become more like Jesus that only being part of real relationships can do through the hard misunderstandings and sorrowful betrayals.
The question then becomes whether or not we are willing to follow Jesus by taking up our own cross and wade through the swamp that is part of every real relationship, or whether we pursue artificial love in the form of technology or escape away from the people into fantasy relationships that do not require this hard work.
Another reason we tend to shy away from real people is that looking into the face of another human being requires time, attention, and the ability to look outside our own comfort zone and into the suffering or the rejoicing that the individual is experiencing, all without walking away with a head full of comparisons between the person we just met and our own lives and how we can one-up them or take them down a notch. Avoiding such a mentality of self-love, envy and pride become extremely challenging when most of us have been trained and rewarded to look out for our own success and happiness.
The work and person of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5, John 14-17), who dwells in every person who truly believes that Jesus Christ is God manifest in the flesh (1 John 4:2), is critical in this task of helping us overcome our flesh and live sacrificial lives for the Lord. It may be that one is called simply to let go of a small offense, and another called to repeatedly forgive a major offense (though addressing and sometimes walking away from abusive situations). Whatever the spectrum of relationship trouble we find ourselves wading through, the Holy Spirit is a comforter, reminding us of Christ’s love for us on the cross and giving us the spiritual strength to overcome what our flesh is unable to do.
My heart goes out to those who have chosen otherwise, as I understand the intensity and pain that real relationships have probably caused to have resulted in the decision to pursue more artificial forms of love, or even redefine love to include that between humans and machines. For me, the choice is clear. I would rather ask God to continue helping me with the hard task of letting go of my pride and love people around me no matter what, rather than escape into artificial environments that offer no such challenge to become more like my Savior. I pray that you too will persist in whatever relationship struggle you face, through the hope and power of Jesus Christ:
“1 Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not.
2 Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.
3 And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.
4 Whosoever committeth sin transgresseth also the law: for sin is the transgression of the law.
5 And ye know that he was manifested to take away our sins; and in him is no sin.
6 Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen him, neither known him.
7 Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as he is righteous.
8 He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil.
9 Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.
10 In this the children of God are manifest, and the children of the devil: whosoever doeth not righteousness is not of God, neither he that loveth not his brother.
11 For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.
12 Not as Cain, who was of that wicked one, and slew his brother. And wherefore slew he him? Because his own works were evil, and his brother’s righteous.
13 Marvel not, my brethren, if the world hate you.
14 We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.
15 Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.
16 Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
17 But whoso hath this world’s good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him?
18 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.
19 And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before him.
20 For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.
21 Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God.
22 And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight.
23 And this is his commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment.
24 And he that keepeth his commandments dwelleth in him, and he in him. And hereby we know that he abideth in us, by the Spirit which he hath given us.”
1 John 3, KJV
3 Replies to “Artificial love”
“Meanwhile, real relationships require us to die to ourselves and forgive as we repeatedly encounter difficult situations or people, which means we have to deal with people saying really stupid things that offend us, or us saying equally, if not more stupid things to defend ourselves.”
This is a tough one I struggled with for some time, eventually figuring out forgiveness. When I look at the hurts of the past, invariably it comes from one who either existentially or in that moment does not have the Spirit of God within them. And that to me brings a sense of sadness and pity that opens the door to forgiveness and prayer for the person the enemy used at that time. To see the man in the video magnifies those feelings hurtful as I watch it. The enemy always has another door by which to enter.
As I read through the rest of your post, no doubt in the next few days, more observations will bear witness to additional thoughts. Thank you, Minu!
Another thought comes to mind regarding forgiveness and that is the support of the culture we live in. Over at least the last decade, the number of people professing to be Christian has declined. To forgive was part of the culture and accepted as a proper reflection of one’s faith in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. The culture has changed and now as you say, “The decision to trust God to handle justice may seem to the world a weak and even naïve response,…”
And this is where it is so important to have that strong relationship with God, that we can speak with Him and rest in the assurance of scripture and not fear the taunts of a fool. Just do a word search of “fool” in your bible software and you will a sense of confidence in your forgiveness.
Again, reflecting on the previous post, for those that wound you, they are to be pitied, forgiven and loved, for their desire, whether instinctive or calculated, to hurt comes from a weakness in their own spirit and reflects the absence of the Holy Spirit in their lives, even those that may profess they are Christian, again something to be pitied.
The other things that came to me in the middle of the night is the word, “artificial” and what a two edge sword it is conjuring up both positive and negative feelings. Volunteering at Walter Reed Military Medical Center, I see a number of people with one, two or three artificial limbs and thank God for the wisdom He gave us to help these people become whole. I also think of artificial intelligence and have mixed feelings since like the Internet, it is a platform for both good and evil. I also think of those with emotional impairments that allow true feelings of love to be only a flicker like a firefly in the night sky, that are told to act out the behavior of love with the hope the feelings will connect with the behavior after enough time. Then the question becomes, what is the object of that love, and as the video points out, there is a consequence. If only that young man’s affections were devoted to God, “Then your peace would have been like a river, And your righteousness like the waves of the sea.”
Amen, Minu
Amen Bruce! I am praying more and more each day that I will become a more forgiving person like Jesus wants me to be…I was thinking about what you had mentioned about volunteering with those who have really suffered physically, mentally and emotionally, and have to rely on non-natural means to cope or recover/ heal, and totally thank the Lord for how much science and technology has helped us all, and do pray that none of these technological advances will ever become a replacement for human love and interaction at the end of the day 🙂 I also came across this video that describes how Christians are called to handle the suffering of those around them, and within themselves: https://youtu.be/ObaXMPcrknI
Hope you like it and thanks as always for your perspective!