When I first learned of you
I feared I would lose myself
My culture
My desires
My world would crumble
If were to become Christian
A little christ
I would become a Westerner
Have a checklist
To work till I die,
Think whiter
The better
Call Europe cultured
While India is just “exotic.”
I would become a bigot
Losing the streams
That quenched my thirst
From the beginning.
I pushed your arms away,
Thinking you are
But a hollywood movie: Unbelievable.
Rising from the dead? No way. Unbelievable.
Until my world crumbled
Piece by piece:
Pierce by pierce, betrayal
Tore through my heart
Leaving me gasping for air
As they chose their Barabas-
A thief who stole my work
And shamelessly lied.
Blow by blow I delivered
Evidence to show the truth
For did it not matter? To be truthful?
Step by step I climbed their ladders
Seeking justice amongst the people
Afraid to stand out and stand up for the truth.
Tear by tear I lost my faith
In humanity, in society, in science.
As I left behind everything I held as my future
I walked, I shook and trembled
And crumbled, as I heard my friend say,
“Unbelievable. Your story is like a movie!!”
Drop by drop, your voice drifts into my head,
“NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL.”
Silence. Who was that?
Jesus? My imaginary friend? Had I gone mad?
Your words echoed in the caves of my heart
I had no doubt- this was the real deal.
“What about my parents? What would they say?”
“I MADE THEM.”
Fear swiftly left, as calm settled
My hesitations from before lifted, with unparalleled clarity.
Peace by peace, you enter my soul
And I decide to follow you, Jesus.
Not because I like going to church,
But because I now know who the Truth is.
Not because I like to help others,
But because I now know who Love is.
Not because of humanity
But despite humanity
Not because of fear
But despite fear
I come running to your arms.